Bumps

  I guess that I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to my pregnancy I'm gunna hit every bump in the road. Today I failed my glucose test and now have to monitor my blood sugar levels starting Wednesday. I just have to realize that my body is normally complicated.... but jeez I need to give it a break seeing as how it is making our child. To be honest I'm surprised that with all of the bumps in this road I haven't totally lost it, but then moments like yesterday happen.  I had to go be monitored for the contractions that I was having I was in tons of pain and just wanted give up, they did an ultrasound. I know that I could only see the top of his head but the doctor showed me what his brains looked like and I was about a second from crying. There in that moment I thought about all of the wonderful times that I am going to have watching him pretend that he is his dad and try to scare or being a smart ass.

He isn't even here yet and I can already close my eyes and see how wonderful my life is going to be with him as my son. I thought that the day I got married to my rock and my best friend was going to be the happiest, proudest moment of my life. well just in those few seconds he proved me wrong. I am realizing my strengths every day. He is proving even my own self doubt wrong. If he can do that just being in my tummy I can only imagine what life is gunna be like when he is born. I always thought that the day that "impending doom" came along I was going to be terrified. Now I'm already excited and can't wait to meet this little man that has made me more confident that I even knew that I could be.

To My Mommy

Mom,

You have been my strength since the day that I was just a heartbeat in your stomach. My life is full of memories with you that no one can replace. No matter what I've done you were always the first person standing there to pick me up and dust me off. I don't even think I can even explain how you made moments in time seem to stop while you made everything right again. I owe all of my compassion and love to you. My whole life no one understood me quite like you, I can only hope that someday I will be half of the mother that you are. I'm sure that I'm speaking for the whole family when I say that without your love, tenderness, beauty and strength I wouldn't be nearly the person I am today. I can't wait to see what wonderful times that you will now have with my child. I'm sure that one of the first things I will tell him is how lucky he is to be a part of this family. I love you mommy!

I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it.
Anywhere I go you go, My dear: and whatever is done by only me is your doing, My darling.
I Fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet.
I want no world for beautiful you are my world, My trus and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the sould can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

-e.e. cummings